Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire
by Lover of Angelus
Summary: Roy has always been a possessive man. Brigadier Smith is about to find this out the hard way. Meanwhile, the Fuhrer and Roy's subordinates are going to sit back with a tub of popcorn and watch from the sidelines. IMPLIED RoyEd.


**Title:  
**Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

**Disclaimer:  
**Me no own, You no sue.

**Warnings:  
- **Violence  
- Language  
- Implied RoyxEd

**Note:  
**Doesn't take place at any particular time.

-z-

Roy ran his fingers through his hair, his fingernails scraping at his scalp.

"Sir," Hawkeye's voice was soft, she knew what this meant. None of Roy's other subordinates had words or even knew any that could make this situation any better.

"Fuck!" the Colonel shouted suddenly, slamming his fist on his oaken desk and standing quickly, kicking his chair away so it landed on its side. "Does he know what this means? The Brigadier has no idea what he's getting himself into by requesting Ed's transfer - NO IDEA! Might as well just chop the boy's head off and call it a day."

"I don't appreciate the yelling," the Fuhrer stepped into the room, Brigadier General Brady Smith right behind him, a look of satisfaction on his face.

Everyone jumped to their feet and saluted - everyone except for Roy.

"Sir," Roy planted both hands on his desk, "this is a mistake. Edward Elric will not obey the command of those he believes to be physically inferior to himself."

"What are you saying, Colonel?" the Brigadier's high pitch voice demanded. "You believe I can't control my own men? That I don't have what it takes to control one measly little _boy_?"

"I'm saying that you don't have what it takes to control the Fullmetal Alchemist, _sir_," the words dripped in acid.

The Fuhrer chuckled to himself at Roy's remark. "How about a battle then?" he suggested.

Everyone's mouths fell open. The Brigadier generating a small squeal of disapproval. Unlike Roy, he was no alchemist, his one true power lied in his use of words. He could spin fabulous tales of his own heroism and the glory of his family, all lies.

Roy smirked. He opened a drawer and withdrew two gloves, pulling both on and wiggling his fingers, relishing in the feel of the cloth against his skin.

"It's not too late to back out, sir," Havoc suggested, snickering quietly around the unlit cigarette in his mouth.

"Shut your mouth!" squealed the Brigadier before turning his attention back to Roy. "I will fight you for the Fullmetal Alchemist. Call that boy in from the field, I want him to witness your defeat."

"His train should be pulling in now, sir," Hawkeye stated, glancing at the paperwork in her hand.

"I'll see you two at the parade grounds in a half-hour," the Fuhrer smiled widely and waved good-bye.

-

Edward Elric was pissed. It was all he could do to jab his finger in Roy's face and threaten his manhood if he lost.

"You worry too much," Roy waved the boy off with a nonchalant hand.

"I have every right to worry," Ed shouted.

Roy knew what he meant. If Edward were to be transferred, it would not only mean that he would no longer be able to search for the Philospher's stone and he could just go ahead and kiss good-bye every promise he ever made to Al. He would also be putting the younger Elric in the military's crosshairs as a potential lab rat.

"Just have some faith, would ya?" Havoc put his arm around Ed's shoulders. "The Colonel's got this in the bag, no problem. That Brigadier can barely even shoot a gun."

"Don't you think this is a little cruel?" Hawkeye asked no one in particular. At the curious look of her collegues she continued. "Why would the Fuhrer put an ordinary man with no talents or skills against the Flame Alchemist?"

Everyone contemplated this before Roy shrugged his shoulders and said, "It doesn't matter. I just follow orders."

-

The parade grounds were packed. Every soldier wanted to be witness to the massacre that was about to get started.

Roy Mustang, Colonel and State Alchemist, stood on one side of the concrete stage. His challenger was Brady Smith, Brigadier and Liar, stood directly opposite of him.

The flag went down and Mustang wasted no time. He quickly withdrew his hand from his pocket and snapped his fingers. The explosion shaking the grand stands. The Fuhrer smiled as Roy turned away and began to walk back to his subordinates. He only had time to register their shocked expressions before--

_BLAM._

Roy didn't have time to dodge the bullet that pierced through his right shoulder. Howling in rage and pain, Roy whipped around, aimed, and snapped.

The explosion took off both the Brigadier's hands and blew up his pistol.

Just for added measure, Roy set the man's uniform on fire, giving him third-degree burns all over.

"Shoot _me_ in the back, you bastard," Roy growled, relishing in his superior officer's screams of agony and terror.

-

"Don't you think you went a little overboard, sir?" Hawkeye questioned, eying Roy's wounded shoulder.

It was the day after the fight and the halls were still vibrating with the whispers of the soldiers. Some believed that Roy had been too hard on the Brigadier, but an overwhelming amount had believed it to be justice for all of the crimes that the Brigadier had never been charged with due to lack of evidence. Hawkeye was one of the former.

"Absolutely not," Edward Elric interjected, he sat on one of the couches with his hands behind his head. "If I had been stuck working for that coward I would've gone on a rampage."

"How's the shoulder, Colonel?" Havoc asked.

"I've suffered through worst," Roy gave a theatrical sigh before leveling a glare in Edward's direction. "I expect full compensation, Fullmetal."

Edward blushed and Hawkeye coughed politely into her hand.

-z-


End file.
